How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
