My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
