Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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