i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
