Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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