I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
