i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
