I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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