Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
