if i can run in heels then i can drive
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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