Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
