Apparently you make a good broom.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
