turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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