I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
