have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
