I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
