the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
