Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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