If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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