chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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