Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
