Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
