My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
