You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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