I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
even my farts smell like vagina
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
