ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
