was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize