really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
