i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
