okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
