does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My bed smells like the plague
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
