when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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