a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You made out with two different species that night
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
