my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
