he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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