Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
