I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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