I heard we made out
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
