I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
