Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
