Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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