Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
