Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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