Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
