come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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