Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
