Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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