Tell her she can't have a vagina
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
