gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
worst night to have a conscience
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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