I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
