used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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