I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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