im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
