I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
