no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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