Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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