she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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