all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
