Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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