Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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