Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
