Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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