if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
