I'm jealous of your bromance
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
not ubering you a puppy
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
