Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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