At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
