Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
