Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
