Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
two words...techno handjob
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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