So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
