everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize