went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
