We're like a lot better than the average bears
Umm I'm too high to move.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
