there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
