My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize