if you like me you must not know who I am
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
