C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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