your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
