There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
