Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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