I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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