im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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