There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
