Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize