We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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