Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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