Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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