Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he puts the penis in happiness.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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