dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
