All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
