He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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