My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Randomize
