Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
