Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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