6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
