Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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