ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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