"it" just moved
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
