I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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